Parenting is more about your best behavior than your kids’.
And realizing it’s not about behavior ultimately.
It’s about identity.
You can’t create a great story for your family, your marriage – you can’t be heroic in the face of your challenges – without facing and knowing your backstory.
You can’t get to “this is us”, without discovering “this is me”.
I went to a marriage counseling training last week, one of the interventions we learned was how to work through the aftermath of a fight.
One of the keys, besides self-awareness of feelings and listening well, was talking about a memory, a story from your past that brought up those same feelings.
It helps us identify our triggers, it helps us become more aware of how we react.
“None of us get out of childhood without a few crazy buttons.” – John Gottman.
When we understand this, we gain more self-control, we are able to stay calmer and objective (we prevent getting flooded).
This helps us problem-solve, brainstorm, compromise, collaborate and come to agreements more easily because we aren’t overwhelmed (and overwhelming our kids) with our frustration, grumpiness, anger or even rage.
We are able to give our best selves to our family.
Hi Sovann
Thanks for your article. I especially agree with the first sentence!
The older I get, the more I agree, too, that facing and dealing with our backstory is critical for not only ourselves individually but also our children and all we influence.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment Collen 🙂