On grace in parenting, something I’m still learning,
Giving up control doesn’t mean giving up.
Letting go, not being controlling, doesn’t mean
you don’t care
you are quitting
you are unloving
you are not doing enough
that your kids are going to turn out bad
you aren’t in charge anymore
It doesn’t mean that you are failing as a parent.
The verse is “train up a child in the way he should go.”
It’s not “Make a child go the way he should go”
It does mean you may not measure up to others in the comparison game
It opens you up to finding other ways to avoid feeling anxiety
feeling embarrassed
besides anger, shame, disapproval or power to get conformity.
It does mean you have to find a different way of measuring success besides what’s seen, on behavior
And that’s kind of weird and hard to put your hands on.
It opens you up to being disappointed that everything doesn’t happen
your way and the way you want.
It opens you up to just flat out feeling betrayed because you’ve been lied to or disobeyed.
But that’s a good thing.
For you and the kids.
Because, despite the frustration, stress/anxiety and even pain of it all,
you will actually have a real, living, breathing relationship between a real, live, amazingly human person and not some fabrication of a life that falls apart when you stop micro-managing it.
Wow, Sovann, written with wisdom and openness! I can relate to much of what you’ve written, some I wish I’d learnt earlier. But it is a journey for us all, and with love and forgiveness, we can all find The Way together.