One of the best things that you can do to improve your sleep, stress, self-image and sex life is to kick your phone out of the bedroom.
Sleep with your spouse, not your phone.
I talk with 30 people a week about their physical health and about 20 people a week about their emotional and relational health.
80 to 90% of them are tired and overwhelmed.
Their morning and bedtime routines are centered around their phone.
Isolation, disconnection, doom scrolling, social media, news, Netflix and YouTube…
You can’t heal your anxiety and depression through Instagram and TikTok
You can’t heal your trauma in isolation.
For sure our smartphones can help us feel better real quick in the moment.
But without healthy limits and mindful use, they make anxiety, depression, insomnia, healthy habits, and isolation worse in the long run.
(And yes, I realize correlation doesn’t equal causation. But I have seen what happens when my patients set these limits and develop healthier rhythms and connections through their day and week.)
I wrote this spoken word on the way home from counseling a few years ago:
There was a time when you couldn’t keep your eyes or your hands off of me
Now your eyes are reserved for that screen, your hands are devoted to that iPad.
These days the only time I hear you laugh or see you smile is to stupid videos on YouTube.
You give your best to strangers on your screen
These days the only thing I hear from you is your irritation and annoyance.
You give me, contempt
Where did we go wrong?
I stopped reaching out to you.
You didn’t notice.
I can’t handle your silent rejection
I swear I get so angry I just want to take a hammer to that damn tablet!
But I don’t
Because deep down inside I’m afraid
I’m afraid that you’d be even more angry.
Even more angry at losing it than the fact that you are losing me
What did I do to deserve this disdain?
I want to say this to you but you can’t be bothered
so I retreat to my iPhone and wonder:
Do you feel the same?
Here are some resources (books, podcasts, websites, videos) that are helpful for setting healthy limits with screen time and smartphones.
Digital Minimalism book by Cal Newport. And his resource page.
Mindful Tech: How to Bring Balance to Our Digital Lives book
The CellPhone Observation Exercise from his website and book.
Indistractable book by Nir Eyal. His website is a good resource for this as well.
Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence book by Anna Lembke
I did a continuing education course last month on Digital Health and Technology Addiction taught by Dr. Nicholas Kardaras. He has written a few books and been featured in several documentaries on digital addiction. Here is a page of his interviews and there are several more interviews available by searching on YouTube.
The Case For Digital Aestheticism sermon by John Mark Comer makes a case for it and also offers several practical tips and habits to form at the end.
If you are convinced you want to make a change with your digital health and habits or have made changes in the past but have difficulty staying consistent and motivated with healthy boundaries or limits here are some resources on habit formation and motivation and change:
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones Book by James Clear.
His 30 Day free habit change and goal setting habit course is very helpful.
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business book by Charles Duhigg
Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything book by BJ Fogg. His website has more info on behavior change and motivation and also lots of coaching on applying the Tiny Habit model to many areas of life. He has a free 5 day coaching program to get started. Podcast interviews with Dr. Fogg.
